Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
