A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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