I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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