....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
