capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have grass duct taped all over my body
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
