Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
