ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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