i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
