you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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