Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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