it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
