I wish my penis had an off switch
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
