I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
