had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
