I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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