But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
