he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
