I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
