i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize