when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
