I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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