two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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