Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
