I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
