the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
