Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
