P.S. I can't hear my feet
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
