Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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