The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
