yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
