Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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