Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
