Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
