So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
