Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
