you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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