The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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