me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
