I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
