I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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