I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
