Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
