I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
