i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
