remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
