the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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