Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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