you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
