i think my tv is drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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