so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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