Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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