I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
