Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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