Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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