so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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