Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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