But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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