I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
