So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It was confusing and full of hummus
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
