closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
