at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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